I think the 'teaching gods' are mad at me. Either that, or they are challenging me. Do they know who they are messing with? Obviously not.

All in all, kindergarten was an....experience. During the duration of the job, I would say that it was awful. Now, with a little time to think, I would say it was challenging. It was challenging because it was kindergarten (and I'm not sure how I REALLY feel about irrational 5 year olds). I think that it takes a special person to teach kinder. I am not the type of person that talks in a baby voice and gets all cutesy. I talk to them like they're people. Can you see me doing that? No, me neither. Not that they weren't CUTE. They were very adorable. Along with adorable, they were frightening.

These kids had a rocky start to school. With a teacher who was 7 months pregnant, to going through a few other teachers after she left, they did not have consistency. Also, the combination of personalities and behavior problems in the classroom were astonishing. They did not understand order, or rules, or consequences, or that it is not okay to punch people. So many different things were tried with so many different teachers, but nothing was really that EFFECTIVE. Even the kids that were once pretty well behaved turned into kids that didn't listen. At first, I thought that I could change them and make a difference, but by the end of my "sentence", I really just felt overjoyed to be leaving, and VERY sorry for the teacher that was coming back.

I can see how teachers can become "mean". I was angry all day; yelling, punishing, and being extremely strict. I didn't like who I was during the day. I would come home and not be able to sleep at night, thinking "how can I make a difference? What can I do?" I was extremely lucky in my student teaching, because I was at a great school with amazing students and I really never said anything negative to say. This kindergarten job taught me that now, not only do I need to find a full time job, I need to find the right school for me. I at least need administration that will help and back me up in my decisions.

On the plus, I met some good people. I would not have made it through the days without my para. She was great and it was nice having someone there to endure the long days in the worst class in 10 years (a staff member there actually told me that). I'm positive that I am an exponentially better teacher than I was before this experience. I met some kids that I will remember, well...forever. Some will be in my dreams, others in my nightmares :)

Just a few tidbits of my magical days:
*words from a 6 year old: "You are an awful teacher and I hate you."
*two boys running around the classroom pushing things over, my para evacuating the rest of the class, and me trying to get these boys under control but not being able to, calling the office for help but no one came. Eventually one boy hit and kicked another teacher, had to go to the assistant principal's office and pushed everything off her desk and screamed and hit and was suspended for two days. A 5 year old!
*two meetings with one boy's father about moving him to half days for behavior, and after he told me, "I can be good." Five minutes later, he is staring me in the face while cutting apart another student's nametag.
*Watching one boy kick the special ed student in the face on purpose with an evil gleam in his eye.

Blessing, or Death Sentence?

My prayers have been answered. I got an e-mail from an Assistant Principal asking if I wanted to come interview for a kinder position. I, of course, said absolutely. Nevermind that I told myself that I would never teach kindergarten, because I believe that it takes a special person to teach wee ones. But, desperate times call for desperate measures, and so I interviewed. It was a nice, relaxing interview with just the A.P. and it went excellent. I was ecstatic. Sure enough, the next day, I got a call that said they had chosen me and I just needed to go through the hiring process. I was so happy that someone actually wanted ME and that I had beat out other candidates. I was VERY happy about that.

During the interview, the AP had told me that it was a challenging class. She asked me how I would handle a "hard" class and I replied with my textbook answer: every child is different, and a specific behavior plan needs to be applied to each child.

I was slightly alarmed, but I figured, "They're 5 years old. How mean can they really be?"

I learned the answer in a few days: Very, very.....VERY mean.

Subbing

The inevitable has happened. I am a substitute teacher. When I think of a 'sub' I think of a lady in her mid-60s wearing a pumpkin sweater, with frizzy hair put up in those chopsticky-things and lipstick on her teeth. Then, the sweet remembrance of being a student and watching movies in class and completing crossword puzzles all day when we had subs.

For one, I was right about the apparel. I went to a sub orientation last week, and one of the ladies there was wearing a CHRISTMAS sweater. It was September. I understand the need to wear a nice, frumpy Christmas sweater, but in September? REALLY? It was the epitome of a stereotype. It made me smile a little, and then cry a lot....is this what I am going to turn into?

So, the night before my first job, I packed my Tale of Despereaux lunchbox, picked out my clothes, and went to bed early. Tomorrow my life would have some PURPOSE! It was kind of like the night before Christmas. Except, I was Santa and the presents were 1st and 2nd graders who had never had a sub before.

The next morning: coffee-check. Mapquest directions to a school I knew nothing about-check. I showed up to the school early, eagerly and nervously. Long story short, I ended up subbing in three classrooms that day. Not one, but three. Count them. In two of the rooms, I did not even have a class list. The students can just leave the room and go to the bathroom when they please--and to be honest, I didn't even know how many kids were in my class, much less what their names were. It was stressful, to say the least, especially after being trained to be so responsible and on top of things in student teaching. The day ended, though, at the late hour of 2:30. All in all, it had been an okay day. I met a lot of cool, young teachers and networked a little bit. I left my business cards in every employee's mailbox, which probably annoyed them thoroughly, but I left feeling pretty accomplished. Plus, I was getting PAID for this! This is slightly exciting after student teaching for free.

NOTE: These are no longer the days of movie-watching and crossword puzzle doing. I always teach all the lessons for the day, just like the teacher is there. It is a challenge, but I like it!

I have subbed quite a bit this month. I have been back to the first school about 8 times, which is pretty good! My secret plan is that teachers and administrators will see how fabulous I am and then want to hire me, or tell others to hire me. If socializing is what it takes, then socializing I will do! If I can become prom queen, I obviously know how to socialize my way through a school.

So far, these are some of my favorite subbing moments:

Student: Ms. Johnson (as read on the board)....what does the MS stand for?
Me: Miss.
Student: But what does that mean?
Me: Like Mrs,, but not. It means not married.

Student: Ms. Johnson, he said the K word!
Me: Okay, I'll talk to him about it.
Thinking, "What the HELL is the K word!?!?!?!"

Girl 1: If you don't shut up, I'm going to punch you in the face!
Girl 2: Fine!
Me:!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????!!!!!!!??????????? OMG

1st Grader: Ms. Johnson, I think you are a GREAT substitute teacher. :) :) :)

And of course, my favorite: The 5th graders are having a poll whether you are hot or not.
Me: That is inappropriate. ha ha ha.

The Beginning

All throughout my childhood and adolescence, I remember hearing, "Get an education. You can be whatever you want to be. Dream bigger than the stars. Just do it!"
"Okay," I thought to myself, as a 5th grader, "I can do this." So I did. Graduate High School with good grades-check. Get into college, take it seriously, get good grades-check. Do a semester abroad to "live a little" and of course, spruce up my resume--check. Choose a career path in which I loved and felt passionate about-check. Student teach (pay the college to work for free) for a whole year-check. Okay! Graduation! Graduate with honors with high recommendations from professors and teachers-CHECK! YEAH! Time to begin the next chapter of my life.
There was just one small little problem. While I was busy being a rockstar, the economy fell into a deep, dark abyss. So here I am, a fresh-faced, young adult ready to a)take care of myself and b) have some money, but I cannot get a job. "Just wait," I was told, "you will get a job soon. You just need to wait out the summer." June. July. August. September. Hmmmm. I had a few interviews and their answers were always the same, "We hired someone who had more experience." School has started and I am NOT a new teacher, setting up my classroom. Some of my friends are, and I am looking at their pictures on facebook and crying myself to sleep at night. This is NOT what I signed up for. I want a refund, or a do-over, perhaps.
This is the reality:I have food stamps. Starbucks will not hire me. Looking back on that day in 5th grade, if my thought bubble had gone up into the air and I thought, "When I graduate college and 'grow up', I would like to not be able to get a job at Starbucks and be on food stamps," then I would have conducted my school days a little differently. I would have gone out on school nights and studied less, or perhaps not at all. I would have actually missed class and not e-mailed my professors a week in advance if I was going to do so. WHY WAS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!?! (And thousands of others around the country)
So....here I am: smart, funny, compassionate, responsible.....and unemployed, and now--even more neurotic than before. Stay tuned for my next blog on Substitute Teaching.